A little later in this post, I’m going to ask you three questions that may completely change the way that you think about your retirement – and maybe even your life.
But first, we need to talk about why you shouldn’t expect retirement to make you any happier – and the two things you should focus on instead.
So, for the vast majority of us, yes, retirement will absolutely make you happier – at first. But will that feeling last?
Sure, during those first few weeks of retirement, you’re likely to feel some cocktail of joy, uncertainty, relief, and excitement, especially if you’ve been looking forward to it for some time. There’s plenty of research that suggests that anticipation of an event can enhance your enjoyment of it once it arrives.
There is absolutely something to savor – and celebrate – about crossing the threshold into a life of freedom and autonomy.
But then what?
Sadly, something called hedonic adaptation starts to kick in. Hedonic adaptation is a psychological phenomenon that suggests that we eventually return to our steady-state level of happiness after a positive (or negative) life event.
Unfortunately, at some point, the elation of retirement will wear off.
Womp-womp. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news here.
Happiness is a Trap
But why is everyone so obsessed with happiness, anyway? After all, if we found ourselves in a 24/7 state of smiley bliss, would we even feel it anymore, much less savor it?
It’s almost as if happiness needs some sort of contrasting emotion before it can exist. It’s like trying to catch your own shadow.
So, I’m going to ask you to try something controversial: throw away the idea of trying to be happy.
If happiness comes, that’s great. Enjoy it. But let it come to you – don’t chase it.
This is something that I started doing a long time ago. And, ironically, it’s made me… happier? Or maybe “content” is a better word here.
But if we’re not pursuing happiness, what are we pursuing instead?
CAUTION: Pursuing a Purpose
Now, I want to caution you at this point. Beyond looking for happiness, there be monsters.
If you go down the path of “finding your purpose”, well, you run the risk of walking into the self-help hall-of-mirrors where you’re perpetually working on yourself.
Or even worse, you end up watching two hour-long videos on YouTube about how Carl Jung and Nietzsche saw human existence differently.
(Not that I know anything about that.)
No, pursuing a purpose can be as much of a trap as pursuing happiness. I believe there’s virtue in just… living a good life. There’s a “real world” element I think we should root ourselves in.
Yes, there are some people who walk out of the womb knowing their purpose in this world. If that’s you, fantastic! Go forth and pursue your purpose! None of this may apply to you.
But if it’s not happiness – and it’s not a grand purpose – what should you focus on?
If we’re using Maslow’s Hierarchy as a framework, there are two useful things that I think belong at the top of that pyramid.
1. Meaningful Pursuits
I believe it’s important to have a meaningful pursuit teed up for when you retire. (Or at least relatively soon after you retire… pina coladas on the beach may be exactly what you need during those first couple of weeks.)
But what is a meaningful pursuit?
Well, you don’t necessarily need to save the whales here.
When I think of the retirees I’ve helped over the years, their meaningful pursuits came in dozens of different shapes and flavors.
I’ve seen:
- Woodworking,
- Learning the piano,
- Travel,
- Starting a charity to promote fitness,
- Volunteering at church,
- Animal rescue,
- Participating in high-performance driving events,
- Working the polls during election season,
- Helping with the grandkids,
- Yoga,
- Mountain biking, and yes, of course,
- Golf and fishing.
Really, to me, a meaningful pursuit can be anything that:
- Keeps you engaged,
- Challenges you, and
- Puts you into frequent social situations.
It’s all about doing something that fires up those brain cells and puts you into enjoyable interactions with other humans.
On the other hand, the retirees I’ve seen struggle once that initial hit of retirement dopamine wore off were the ones who didn’t have a meaningful pursuit to pick up once they stepped away from work.
I know you’re shocked, but spending even more time watching TV isn’t going to do the trick.
Which brings us to the second thing you should focus on instead of happiness:
2. Minimizing Regret
Cognitively, we all understand that we have a finite time on this earth. And we all have things that we want to do before we check out.
But, of course, work and everyday life gets in the way.
Once you hit retirement, you have a bigger opportunity to start turning those dreams into realities.
But here’s the catch – a lot of people don’t.
I think it’s because we’ve spent most of our lives deferring those dreams with the idea that we’ll eventually get to them in retirement – and we never really get out of that mindset.
But how do you prioritize what’s truly important to you? How can you take advantage of your time and live a life with fewer regrets?
Kinder’s Three Questions
Whenever I start working with a new client, we begin with a few exercises designed to help us zero-in on the things we want to get off the bucket list and into the financial plan.
One of these exercises is a series of three questions developed by George Kinder, one of the pioneers of financial life planning, in his book, Lighting the Torch.
I’m going to go over these questions with you. But a word of warning first: you may find that these questions create an emotional response. If so, that’s normal.
So, if you’re willing, let’s get started.
QUESTION 1
Imagine that you’re financially secure. You have enough money take care of all your needs – both today and in the future. How would you live your life? What would you do with your money? Would you change anything?
If you need to, press pause here and take a minute to think about it.
QUESTION 2
Now, imagine your doctor tells you that you have between five to ten years to live. The good news is that you won’t ever feel sick or infirmed in any way. The bad news is that you’ll have no notice of when you’ll die.
What will you do with the time you have left? Would you change your life? If so, how?
Feel free to pause this here if you need a minute to think about it.
QUESTION 3
Finally, imagine your doctor tells you that you only have one day to live.
Now, stop for a minute.
What feelings arise as you confront your – now very real – mortality. What dreams would you leave unfulfilled? What would you wish you’d done or been?
What would you miss?
Take a breath. How are you feeling?
I’ve been asking these questions for a while now and they still move things inside me.
Of course, personal connections – friends, family, and loved ones – are most often what’s left after that third question. If you’ve read any of those interviews of hospice patients, you know that’s what’s left after everything that doesn’t matter fades away.
But I don’t want you to dismiss any of what comes up for you in questions 1 and 2.
Take that safari. Go on that trip to Tuscany. Experience life if you can.
And while you may not be able to afford to buy a Ferrari, you can absolutely rent one – and flog it a little bit, too.
So, write down the things that came up for you – and start putting them on the calendar.
I’m not opposed to the idea of a bucket list – but only if you’re actively working toward crossing the next item off the list. Book a flight, make a plan; fighting inertia is key here.
And to me, that’s part of the genius of Kinder’s questions. I think the emotional element of answering them helps us get off our behinds and moving.
But if nothing exotic comes up for you during this exercise, that’s fine! There’s nothing wrong with you. You aren’t alone. Keep doing those meaningful pursuits that you’re already doing.
Who knows. Between focusing on meaningful pursuits and actively crossing those items off your bucket list, you may find that you’re… happier. Or at least more content.
And now that we have some clarity – and urgency – around the retirement (and the life) that we do want, you might want to get started on it ASAP.
But how do you know if the time is right?
If you need help figuring that out, then to see if Prana Wealth is a good fit. We do still have the capacity to take on new clients.
As a fee-only financial advisor in Atlanta, we can (and do) work virtually with clients all across the U.S. and we’re here to help you when you’re ready.
